How Hard Can it Be?
Words, Photos, and Video by Michael Zurvalec
One of my college courses this year was a 300-level deal called “Digital Foundations” where we were supposed to learn the basics of the Adobe Creative suite of programs. Naturally, as an advertising major these are programs that will probably become a part of my working life…assuming I ever get out of college. But anyway, I digress. The point of this class was for us to learn the basics of working with each program in order to build a digital foundation for the rest of our time at CSUF.
I know! Clever, right?
Now, aside from the fact we ended up having to teach ourselves off corny YouTube videos and Reddit it was actually pretty fun. I haven’t played with Photoshop or Premiere Pro since high school and Illustrator, let alone InDesign were like learning a new language. But by the time we got around to using Premiere Pro and making our own videos, I was feeling pretty confident in myself. I decided that making a spoof used car lot ad was too much – even though my driveway could pass for a branch of Pick-Your-Part, and I have some bad memories of trying to do a sci-fi video in high school. Neighbors, if you’re reading this. Sorry for all the weirdness that night. It was a mess.
Video still where I pretend to know what i’m talking about.
Instead, my inspiration came from boredom on Saturday night and a glance at a workbench that I just know my father regrets giving me in a shed I was never actually supposed to take over like I did. With none of the production resources, a fraction of the budget, and a poorly drawn sketch, I set out to go and make a D.I.Y video like they make for This Old House. I made a phone call to my local lumber yard and everything was going great…until I got halfway through it and realized my mic wasn’t on. That…was not a fun realization.
By that point, it was late, I was tired, and I was saying some pretty nasty things. Rather than shoot an R-rated “Spinal Tap-Meets – This Old House” kind of mocumentary, I went to bed and took some old advice I’d been given: “breath in, breath out, repeat as necessary.” An old Scoutmaster gave me that advice about 13 years ago and it’s served me pretty well as things continue to get more farcically out of control in my life. Especially when I realized I’d be starting this project from scratch all over again. Besides, the cable execs already did that with Home Improvement in the ‘90s.
The moment I should’ve measured twice before I started cutting…
After a night of sleep, I pulled back through the gate at Ganahl Lumber’s new yard down in San Juan Capistrano and something seemed…different. Over in the corner by the will-call gate there was a green, 90-something Ford F-150 with some window stickers, a lumber rack, and two-tone Eddie Bauer-spec paint with a Marine Corps sticker on the back glass and paint splotches down the bedsides. This wouldn’t normally weird people out because chances are, it’s just someone’s grandpa picking up stuff for a retirement project…right? Well, unless you’re me.
See, over a decade ago, I was part of a Boy Scout troop that met in a church on Del Obispo Street literally around the corner from where Ganahl Lumber built their new yard. Our scoutmaster was a guy called Mr. Bolt, and he drove a green 90-something Ford F-150 short bed in Eddie Bauer trim with paint splotches all over it. The thing that weirded me out the most? I hadn’t seen Mr. Bolt in about a decade since I’d earned my own Eagle Scout rank and at the time, his health wasn’t super great for a lot of reasons. He’d been forced to quit working as a painter/general contractor and that’s about all I can get into here.
Yeah, we’re totally not at Home Depot anymore…
Anyways, I called Ganahl’s that morning, placed my order, and an hour later got a text that it was ready for pickup. I rolled through the gate in my dad’s old blue pickup, paid for my order, strapped it down, and everything was good. I went to pull back out of the yard, had the guy working the gate go staple a red safety flag to the load of lumber hanging over the back bumper, and got the shock of my life when he walked back around to say “you know, I think I recognize you from somewhere. Were you in Scouts?” Yeah. Mr. Bolt was the last guy I expected to see working at the gate at the lumber yard, let alone get recognized by on a weekday morning but hey, stranger things have happened to me. Part of me shouldn’t be surprised at that – I don’t have a common last name after all – but still. Crazy how that works and honestly, I rode that high all the way home and into the successful end of that project.
The final product.
It took me two weeks and twice as much money as I wanted to spend, but I did end up both shooting a video that told a coherent story and building the bench I set out to build. It ended up being more an end table, but that’s beside the point. I made the video, got a good grade on it, and that’s that.
Truth is, I’m not a horrible carpenter, but I definitely have a long way to go before I can comfortably present things on camera while simultaneously doing that same thing. If I was to do this all over again? I would probably rope a friend or family member into being a PA at some point or I would give myself a less ridiculous deadline with an easier project like a toolbox or something.
Anyways, that bench…I mean “table” is sitting out on the front porch waiting for it to warm up for a clearcoat or two and maybe a succulent in some kind of artsy-looking pot. Just don’t expect me to try and make that pot myself. If you let me near a pottery wheel, I’d lose control of it and somehow knock a satellite out of orbit. I think I’ll stick to what I know and have a long think before I ever make another D.I.Y-style video again.
